Managing Expectations for Kids and Teens (Without Losing Your Mind)

Crafty Mother

Let’s face it — when you first became a mom, you probably had some expectations.

Maybe you pictured a child who said “please” and “thank you” without being prompted, picked up their toys like a tiny Marie Kondo, and sailed through school with minimal drama.

And then… reality hit. Turns out, kids are people (who knew?), and people don’t always follow the parenting script you wrote in your head.

So how do we manage our expectations — especially when they’re being tested daily by messy rooms, teenage eye rolls, and homework assignments discovered at bedtime?

Pull up a chair (or let’s be honest — hide in the bathroom for a moment of peace) and let’s talk about it.

1. Hope is Lovely. Pressure? Not So Much.

It's one thing to hope your child will one day be a responsible, kind, and functional adult. It’s another to expect them to already be that, like, yesterday.

Before we spiral into “Why can’t they just...?” territory, try this gut check:

• Is this something I hope for, or something I’m demanding?

• Am I seeing the kid in front of me, or the kid I imagined during pregnancy while folding organic onesies?

Let go of the Pinterest version. The real kid is way more interesting anyway.

2. Remember: Their Brains Are Still Under Construction

Your 6-year-old “forgets” to flush. Your 13-year-old thinks studying is a scam. Your teen’s room looks like an archaeological dig site.

You are not failing. They’re just... not done baking yet.

Kids and teens are still learning:

• Emotional regulation

• Consequences

• That socks do not belong in the refrigerator

Lowering expectations to match their actual brain development is not “giving up” — it’s parenting smarter, not harder.

3. Progress Counts. Perfection Is Fiction.

We all want our kids to thrive. But expecting perfection? That’s a one-way ticket to Stressville.

Did your kid only complain once while doing chores today? Celebrate it.Did your teen almost get out of bed without a fight? Victory.

Look for the small wins — and yes, surviving the day sometimes counts as one.

4. Comparison is the Thief of Joy (and Sanity)

Sure, your friend’s kid might be fluent in Mandarin and playing cello in the youth symphony. Meanwhile, your child just used a banana as a phone and called the cat their secretary.

You know what? That’s okay.

Social media doesn’t show the tantrums, the skipped baths, or the math homework meltdowns. Every kid has strengths, struggles, and weird quirks. Embrace yours — banana phone and all.

5. Ask What They Expect, Too

Sometimes we’re so wrapped up in what we think they should be doing, we forget to ask what’s actually going on in their heads.

Try:

• “What’s feeling hard for you right now?”

• “Are my expectations making sense, or do I sound like a cartoon villain?”

• “What’s one thing you’d change about how we do stuff around here?”

You might get eye rolls. Or a shrug. Or surprisingly honest answers. Either way, you’re opening a door — and that matters.

6. Be the Example... Sort Of

Let’s be real: we don’t always model calm, flexible, graceful behavior. Sometimes we model “why is this wet?” energy.

But when we can admit, “Yeah, I expected this to go better, and it didn’t. Let’s roll with it,” we show our kids how to be resilient humans — which is the real goal here.

Plus, it gives you an excuse to say “Well, that was a disaster!” and laugh instead of cry.

Final Thoughts: Lower the Bar, Raise the Joy

The truth is, managing expectations isn’t about giving up or “settling.” It’s about showing up for who your kid actually is, not who you thought they’d be at age 3 while scrolling parenting blogs with one hand and nursing with the other.

So, let’s all collectively lower the bar a little — and raise our coffee cups (or wine glasses — no judgment) to progress, humor, and survival.

You’re doing great. Your kid is growing. And if all else fails… there's always snacks and Wi-Fi.